An Acquaintance with a Girl and Future Family Life
This section is oriented on young men and girls.
If you need a girl for one time sex and she does not mind it these lines are not for you.
Now everybody has a mobile phone. For this reason an object of the first acquaintance is generally to get a phone number of a girl.
What can I say to young men?
Do you want a phone number? Come and ask for it. Perhaps, you will get it.
How to ask? Well, anyhow!
Where to ask? Everywhere. The main thing is that you will like just this very girl, the place is not important. Street, institute, beach, disco, shop, urban transport – any place is suited to get acquainted!
What phrase should be the first? Whatever, it will be better to say a compliment. It may be with humor but at the starting moment when two strangers are getting acquainted there is no place for humor. The simplest variant is, "Hello! You are so beautiful! Would you like to give me your phone number?"
If a girl is ready to give her phone number she will demonstrate this during the talking if she is not, you will also understand this.
The majority of girls say that they do not get acquainted in the street (at the disco, in the urban transport and etc.), i.e. the very place you have come to her. These are regular words. A girl is really walking along the street not for getting acquainted. But if a young man makes some efforts and if she finds him handsome he will get her phone number.
If a girl has not decided yet whether to give her phone number or not she will be keeping up the conversation. You are an initiator of the acquaintance; that is why you can talk about anything: about Mars, dogs, the Internet and other things. But you should not say that today ten girls have already given you their phone numbers and now you will come to the eleventh. Also you should not talk about alcohol, drugs and other extreme topics. I think it is clear why these topics are forbidden.
During the conversation you should not be afraid of being agitated – it is very good when the young man`s voice is shaking it means that "He likes me" and "He is not a Lovelace".
During the conversation you should be polite and take interest in your partner. Even if she has not given you her phone number, that is quite possible, she would say a lot of compliments to you.
Suppose you were of interest to her but she has a boyfriend. Then, in any case, she is pleased with your attention but she cannot give her phone number to anybody.
You cheered her up with your attention and conversation – she would cheer you up with her compliments!
If a girl does not have a boyfriend she wants to give her phone number, she wants to find a boyfriend but he should not be anyone, he should be a man she likes. But how will she give it if you do not ask? The girl will not run after you in the street invitingly smiling as a magazine model. Once again she is certainly occupied with her business. Divert her attention, ask for a phone number!
Girls who do not have boyfriends often walk together. Usually you may meet them in the evening. If you are alone and they are two or three you have no chance. An ideal variant: two boys and two girls. The psychology of such meetings is the following.
One girl is always more beautiful and more interesting than the other one between two girls. The beauty hates competition that is why she walks with the unbeautiful one. The unbeautiful girl is not often invited for a walk she is almost not asked for a phone number for that reason she walks with the beauty girl with pleasure according to the principle "may be, anybody will look at me".
Let us suppose that a young man is alone. He comes to the friends and starts a conversation. Of cause, he shows in every way that he is interested in the more beautiful girl: the young man looks at her almost steadily; he talks to her not to both of them. The beautiful girl sees this and understands that the interest is directed to her consequently, she should decide to give or not to give the young man her phone number. None of three has any doubt that he will ask for it. The unbeautiful friend envies and she is angry that she is again not paid attention to. For this reason she edges into the conversation, she answers back to the young man interfering the acquaintance in every possible way. The young man begins to lose his temper. The beautiful girl keeps silent she is interested how all this will end. But all this will go anywhere: the young man talks to the girl he does not want to 90% of the time besides she teases and provokes him. He becomes harsh, perhaps, he shows some rudeness. That is all he will not ask a phone number of the beautiful girl she will stay with her friend and the unbeautiful girl will persuade her that this young man is a "rude fellow and scoundrel" and she will say, "I brought him out into the open".
If suddenly the young man shows interest to the unbeautiful girl she will give him her phone number against all odds! Because she has never been asked for it and suddenly such joy she is asked! She does not need any opinion of the more beautiful girl.
As we can see, if two friends are walking the unbeautiful girl gets eventually a young man and the beautiful girl will stay alone with her beauty!
If there are two girls and two boys they are going to talk and the girl who is less beautiful will not prevent the development of relations as she has a chance to get acquainted with the other young man. But when she understands that she will not get someone she will start to prevent her more successful friend though this friend will manage to give her phone number!
That is why the best way of getting acquainted is to do it during a slow dance at the disco. Here her friends would not trouble you as you are dancing with each other. The couple has some minutes for talking and getting acquainted and if everything is fine they may change the phone numbers at the end.
There is the phone number and the first dates too. But her friends may become a trouble. The case is that girls are regularly talking about their boyfriends among themselves.
The best friend is a wet pillow (a Russian saying).
You should not ask your friends for advice about your boyfriends. You should not! Your friend is your rival or envier. You can advice with a married friend or your parents.
Discussing the matter if it is worth dating or not dating with some young man with your friends is a way of an old maid.
A way to a happy life is your own experience or the experience of those people who cannot do harm.
The young man can mismatch your friend, moreover he may not look at her – for this reason she should advise him to you, your friend.
On the whole you are got acquainted and now you should know each other better. I do not know how girls find out that he is "the one" but I can give some recommendations to young man about the things to which they should draw their attention.
The first thing is her attributes. The young man is satisfied with them otherwise he would not come to the girl and ask her phone number.
The second thing is her character. Everything is more complicated here.
In my opinion these are the first key questions:
1) What are you expecting from a young man?
2) What are you going to give him?
You may ask them directly or in the process of conversation making all answers clear for you little by little.
The answers that are favorable for the family life are as follows: I am expecting love, mutual understanding, and support and I am going to give him the same.
And here are some unfavorable answers which show that the marriage with such a girl is doomed.
The bad answers to the first question: "Let he provides for me!", "He should spoil me and buy me expensive presents", "I want a car" and etc. That means a young man for the girl is virtually a purse which will pay for all her expenses. Why is it so? Because she thinks: "I am young and beautiful!" This girl does not see the personality of the young boy and the most important thing is that she does not want to see and the most terrible thing is that she is not looking for. Marriage and a child in her understanding is a way to hold a man by her side. She will not have more than one child, the divorce is exceedingly expectable in the next years after the wedding (but, may be, they will not live together even a year), and the newlywed is thinking about the alimony payments even when she walks down the aisle. The child will be an object of constant blackmail from her side in order to make the former husband pay a lot of money to her under the pretence that "it is your child".
And here are the bad answers to the second question: "Why should I give something to someone?", "Let he gives me first!", "I will look at his attitude towards me and if I like it I will be a good wife for him". In the last phrase the word "attitude" in her understanding is expenses on herself and "a good wife" means that sometimes they will have a sex.
The perspectives with these answers are the same: quarrels, a divorce, blackmail with a child, alimony payments.
If a girl answers something like this the best thing is either to finish the relations with her or to treat her like a whore, i.e. the variant of long term relationship, feelings, a marriage and a child should be excluded, there will be only sex; besides, her willingness-unwillingness in the intimate questions may be ignored.
As you pay for her beautiful life you may use her body and then leave her without compassion.
If she does not give you in the sex what you want and when you want there is no sense to continue the relations. Leave her.
If she is dragging out with the intimate relations that is she inflates her credentials. Leave her; you will find another.
Girls, do you want such a life? Do you want to be left with a child or without him? Do you want to be left without a man after 35 years old? (average duration of a women`s life is 75 years). Do you want 75-35=40 years of your life to be without a man`s support, becoming more and more poor?
A girl at the age between 18 (20) and 25 (27) has a maximum value as a future mother for a man. That is why they get so much attention and compliments, men spend a lot of money on them exactly at this age; moreover, these are different men and they are frequently little-known men. But it does not mean that girls should treat young men in the quality of consumers: their compliments, payment for her dinners and trips are their gift to the girl but not a duty! After 25 years old if a girl does not marry she will understand quickly the difference between a gift and a duty: she will be paid much less attention.
I have read somewhere that one can ask a girl at the age of 20 what time it is a few times a week (it is without doubt in order to get acquainted), a girl at the age of 25 – only a few times a month, a woman at the age of 35 – a few times a year, and when a man asks woman after 40-45 what time it is he is really asking about the time and he needs not her phone number!
I will tell why beautiful girls have all chances to be less happy in the marriage than their less beautiful friends. The case is that a beauty is more spoilt with attention of young men already in the school, she starts to take it for granted, she gets used to select among young men. She becomes more experienced and confident she can attract the attention of practically any man but she does not want to keep him around because she can always find a man who will be better or she hopes that she does!
I wrote purposely that she does not want "to keep him around" not "to keep him hooked". It is easy to keep a man hooked for several months but to keep him around for several years is much harder (though there might be no need in this). "To keep hooked" means "to wag the tail", to flirt, to play but "to keep around" is to be interested in his work, to feed him, to support morally.
So, an unmarried beauty is 25 years old. It is evident that the men give her less attention and still there is no "prince"! She needs to become more beautiful, showier, and brighter to attract finally the one and the best. Dresses become more provoking, make-up – brighter and more impudent and men are gradually ceasing perceiving her as the future wife and the mother of their children and they start to perceive her as a slut. The beauty begins to understand with horror that men "put the moves" on her only for the intimate relations with zero marriage prospects. And then she will have only two ways: either to date till her 30-35 while men stop being interested in her, to be beautiful, lonely, and, perhaps, a femme fatale or to get married to the first comer and besides to such man with whom she would not spend more than an evening in the cafe some years ago.
Unlike a beautiful girl, an ordinary or even unbeautiful girl is not spoilt with men`s attention and her attitude towards him resembles the attitude towards joy, the attitude towards happiness. That is why such a girl will not choose among men she will calmly fall in love and will show the qualities of a future wife that are kindness and thought, she will get married and she will have a happy family life. Perhaps, her husband will go up in the world and then her life when she is 35 will be much better and more interesting than the life of her more beautiful friends of her youth. And when she is 35-40 years old she will amusedly find out that she lives higher than the born in the same year "beauties" that envy her. And then the 40-year-old unbeautiful one will remember how she envied her more beautiful and successful friends when she was 20 years old.
Of course, there are exceptions. A plain girl may get married to a drunkard who will be smacking her around the whole life and the beauty will get married to a promising young man the career of which will develop successfully.
Appearance helps to attract and character – to keep a man around.
But we take mind off things a little; let us return to the acquaintance. Suppose that a girl wants love, tenderness and children and a young man is ready to see in her his future wife.
There are more important questions.
The first is: What do you want from life?
If a girl dreams about being an actress or a model and you need an ordinary housewife there is no way for you in the long-term perspective even if you get married you will divorce.
There are different interests. There is nothing to be done.
If she wants to be a business lady your family life is under the threat.
Think for yourself, may be, she will be ready to change her life goals because of you.
One more question is finances. For example, how much money should a family of two plus one or two children have? It is necessary to find out her financial requirements, to understand her attitude towards cars, foreign trips, apartments, her beauty expenses and expenses for husband.
Here are the answers which should put you on the alert.
1) A car must cost at least 35 thousands of dollars. Is it at least? The car that costs 34 thousands of dollars is no more a car, it is a scrap. The girl puts an emphasis on the price not the technical performance of the car. It is not an easy matter to please such one – she has a very high bar of expenses.
2) Well, we must have a rest just once a year, mustn`t we? The girl is not yet tired but she has already wanted to rest. It is likely it will become clear during the further conversation that you need to have a rest at least two times a year and without doubt you must spend a week or two abroad.
3) I need for myself (so much) money! The matter here is the sum of money: if the girl calls two of three and more average wages in the country it says again about her overstated expectations. In 2010 it is $700õ3=$2100 per month in Russia and it is $300õ3=$900 per month in the Ukraine.
Of course, if you have recently bought a new Mercedes her financial requirements are acceptable for you and you are ready to except them. But what if you have been collecting money for a secondhand Zhiguli for several years. Such girl is way above your budget and you will part. But if she lowers the bar you can create a family.
It is good when the girl`s financial requirements are less than your possibilities but it is much better when they are equal. If a girl is greatly poorer than you, perhaps, she will marry you because of your money too. If you are financially equal and her requirements are real for both of you it is a nice pledge of pure loving relations. If a girl is greatly richer than you she will think that you marry her because of her money.
Marry the woman who is equal to you (Cleobulus, a governor of an Ancient town of Lindos, 2500 years ago).
If a girl has overstated financial requirements it is not bad but normal. Young people also have overstated financial requirements. It happens to all young people, especially straight after finishing the school or graduating the university.
Normally for a typical young man who earns the average salary in the country, the financial expectations of a future wife should also be middle; they should not be more than an average salary.
For example, if a young man is interested how much money a family of two and a child should ideally has the best answer is two or three average salaries in the country. Under the word "has" is understood: the salaries of husband and wife, government assistance for the child`s birth and other incomes. One must admit the girl`s expectations of a family budget equals to 3õ$700=$2100 for Russia and 3õ$300=$900 for the Ukraine in 2010 as normal.
When a young man or a girl goes to work there "a big boss" will damp his or her spirits crying and making him or her work, showing with this that money are gained hard and a life of luxury on TV has nothing common with the reality for 90% of people. In the course of time the financial requirements of the young people are decreasing, becoming acceptable, statistically average what makes it easier for them to find a match.
One more important question that you should make clear is: was the girl dumped? Young men are often refused with the intimate relations: "no", "do not know", "then", "I am not ready" and etc. But young men more often and much more date than girls and in the course of time they understand that there are no "princesses" in the real life: all women have their disadvantage. Girls are choosing longer that is why it is easier for them to refuse than "to get tangled up with somebody unknown". But when a girl agrees to the loving relations (though without sex) by that she makes a choice. And if a young man dumps her he says first "let us part" the girl receives a great experience of that she, "a princess and a queen", is also gauged and somebody may not like her.
It is seen from the girl`s behavior if she was dumped at least once or not. To be dumped is shameful; for this reason the girl admits this unwillingly. And her age helps a young man to understand her: if she is 20 years old a girl was really, perhaps, never dumped; if she is 25 she was dumped just for once (it is normal) or she was always the first who parted (that is she herself does not know whom she wants to see around) or she was never dating (that is terrible in itself).
The girl who was refused in the intimate relations by just one young man is becoming better, not so arrogant, and more self-critical than that girl who was never dumped.
Also important question is her children and divorces. A woman with a child without marriage, a woman with a child after divorce, a woman without children after divorce – there are a lot of variants.
If she has her own child she can conceive from you more likely it will be one child to win your affections.
If she is divorced it means that she will divorce you, too, or she will live better than in the first marriage.
Women in the divorce with children are very experienced in life; they know men very good.
A girl can answer or not all mentioned questions. If she does not answer and if she evades either she does not know the answer or she knows it very well and that is why she withholds it. When girls are 20 they do not usually know what they want; they want something approximate and unformed. After 28 a girl knows exactly what she wants but she does not say trying to draw everything out. When girls are 23-26 years old they are still rather honest: they speak without reserve and they have already determined with their wishes.
If the girl says that "all men want from women only sex" it means that she is going on the way of divorced lonely woman or an old maid. And women without love (care, tenderness, sex) are literally becoming damned wretch and much less they cannot get love.
Love is a gift: you should give it first before you get it.
Love is happiness.